she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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