Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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