Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize