He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
