I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
