If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
