so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
