I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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