I molested 6 butterflies tonight
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
