You're so nebulous sometimes
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
