it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
