A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
