Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
