jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
