so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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