the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
