I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
