i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize