is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
