At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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