walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize