My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
