i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
