I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
