Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i will never coherently bang her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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