I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
