gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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