i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
