He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
