chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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