My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
