Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
