i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
