just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
