Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
