i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
