i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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