Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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