u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
