i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
