Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i think i just lost a toe
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
