hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize