We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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