You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
