In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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