My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
