My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i love accidental penises.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
