If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
