i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
