Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
