My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
