i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
