thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
