Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
