Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
