YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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