I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
