that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
