you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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