He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
