dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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