The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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