if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
