We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
