what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
