one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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